What we have been up to!

Things have been so busy here with all of us being sick and all... i started back up to school too! ahh fun stuff.. so i've been thinking and i decided finally that i am sick of being BIG! I want to lose alot of weight but even 20lbs at this point would be nice. Starting tonight NO more excuses. I am ridding of all the junk food and i am going to be eating healthier and exercising at least 1 hour a day. I am trying to find a good deal for a gym membership so i can work out there and get a personal trainer to stay on my ass LOL while the kids were napping tonight i went into onDemand on my Comcast and found a bob harper cardio video to watch. I tried a good 15 minutes of it until my heart was racing and i was sweating.. i did pretty good for my 1st time all though i can not quite get onto all fours yet haha someday though. I am burning up now and i can still feel the workout from my back and legs.. i guess it really did make a difference the 15 minutes i did it. i hope to be able to do this every day until i can work out an extra 5 minutes every day or two. I'm tired of being tired i want to be more active for me, my health, and my kids. Starting today there is going to be a new ME! i want to also get into shape to have another baby someday when i can be more active and be able to chase after 3 lil ones. Well everyone wish me luck i need it!

Do you ever wonder?

What it would be like having 2 children and raising them single? I do! Me & Michael are not doing well at all. At this point i still love him but i am not so sure this marriage is worth saving anymore. We just got into 2009 and already things are not looking up for us.. and here i thought this would be OUR NEW START! What a joke that was huh? He just doesn't understand me nor will he ever accept who i am and the lifestyle i am used to. I guess i feel like i will never be what he wants in life and i just have a hard time staying around and being put down everyday for things i am not doing. At this point Michael treats me more like a father than a husband he refuses to let me live for me and my kids and always needs to point out to me how life really is and how i should be behaving.. he seems to think i don't understand how life is because i do not think like him & he is soooo wrong. I've been through a lot of crap in my life i want this year to be a good year for me and my children. I don't want to be unhappy anymore and always wondering when he will snap next or what he is thinking about me. I guess i kinda deserved this for rushing into a marriage we were both obviously not ready for and take into account that we are two completely different people from different cultures and born in different countries and what does that equal -DISASTER- to put it rather point blank me and him have been having too many disagreements, i understand most married couples do but we clash way to much. Today he admitted to me that he doesn't want to be with a "STAY AT HOME MOMMY" he acts as if i don't do anything watching and tending to my children all night while he is at work.. he also said he is "NOT HAPPY WITH MY ANYMORE" key words right there that i needed to know to make a decision based on the best interest of me and my kids. He will never understand me nor will he ever change and it is just something that i have to accept and move on. I've given this marriage so many tries and i just don't know what to do or think anymore. If truth be told i am scared like crazy to go back to being a single mom. I am scared i am going to fail as a single mom and most of all i am scared of being alone.. im scared of who i will be without him and who i won't be without him.. i am scared of being without him because he is still in my heart and i will always love him that's not just because we have a child together. It really blows when it comes down to this.. i do however understand why! Like i said we are just too different. Anyways i am just yapping so i am going to get my kiddos to bed and relax because he will be home in an hour in once again i'm avoiding confrontation and argument. Goodnight.