Well.. i get a call on Monday that Julia's dad is going away on buisness and his parents are also "too busy" to take their grandaughter. Mind you i have her 20 days out of the month.. he has her only 4 days since his parents always have her 4 days. So he picks her up around wed night and drops her back home around sun evening. Well, apparently he is being sent away for buisness so Julia isn't going with him this week. He wants to do next week but if the trick or treating is here next week he can forget it because next week was supposed to be "my weekend" he is such a jerk.
Things have been quite difficult lately, i've been depressed and more tired than ever. My thyroid level is screwed up again and i feel like a zombie. Granted, i do my parenting cleaning, cooking, bathing, the kids, putting them to bed. But i can barely do it because im so tired and well it's just depressing me. Not to mention money is really tight lately. I mean i am not currently working and hubby isn't making a whole lot of money. Our bills seem to be more than what we are making. We are really JUST getting by. I don't think me trying or even thinking about getting pregnant is a good idea right now. I've been thinking about it more and more... and i know my depression will just get worse if i was to have another baby. I'm supposed to have an appointment with a fertility specialist since we have not prevented for 19 months and im still not pregnant.. but i know she won't have anything good to say. Maybe we should just focus on getting things under control financially and emotionally before we think about brining another baby into this world. My world lately feels upside down. I feel like a bad mom because all i want to do is sleep all day. I feel bad that i can't afford to do more things outside the home with my kids.. i feel like they are always cooped up in the house because of me. It's hard to cope and deal with at this point. I'd like to bring them to the farm tomorrow or a pumpkin patch even if it means me spending $5.00 we do not need to spend $100.00 to have a good time and take memorable pictures. Tomorrow i am also doing food shopping and picking up the kids Halloween costumes.. something for them to enjoy also.
Soooo.. im thinkig more and more about candidates for the election this coming month. To be quite honest i don't like either candidates but i'm planning on voting and im leaning more towards Obama/Biden. Point blank is that McCain and his VP i forget her name is Republican obviously and they only care about keeping war in Iraq and making the poor people poorer and the rich people richer. And personally i don't think they have a good enough strategy for the economy being in crisis and people not having health insurance like (me) so that's a definite important topic to me and millions of other americans not even cutting $40,000/year.
But i guess im done speaking for now just figured i'd get my feelings out there. I like my blogs to show the real "us" and not just the good things. It's always good to be able to speak about life and face it head on.
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